=( =( ='( today is a sad day.. i am offically in co le.. went for practice today.. if i count this as the first offical practice, it will be the start of my torment.. the feeling in there sucks! horrible! terrible! miserable....... ='( if this kind of feeling continues, i think i will be dead soon.. maybe within a month or so... haiz... besides being stress there cause i could not catch the beats and tempo of all the sooooo many songs, i am also feeling kind of weird there whenever i am there.. always, at the door step of the co room, i would pause to think if i should go in or not.. this is sooooooo different and unlike the times when i was in ahco! i really miss there the room the ppl the conductor etc! =( i still rmb the times when eliz helped me a lot, stayed back to teach me dizi when i am so lousy, when the dizi seniors crap a lot and make so much noise in the co room and the times when my dear juniors encourage me so much! those really really helps k.. haha.. omg! i know i shouldn't make such meaningless comparison but i can't help it.. not tt i am saying the seniors in tjco are not nice but i also dunno why this is so much more difficult and tough than i was in sec 1 when i first join co and tt time when i don't even have musical background! why? ok.. maybe it is just my problem.. can someone just tell me and teach me how to open up???? HOW? i don't know! i can't! i wan to also! but..... AHH!!! this is going to drive me crazy sooooon.. sooner than expected i guess.. i thought i could do it.. i thought so.. =( i don't have the courage and the confidence to take the initiative to go talk to those ppl, mix with them, to know them.. but i really think i am brave enough to join co 'alone'.. mike is like will pon tt kind.. yw also wun stay back de.. we got great diff in our timetable too.. and we all feel somewhat the same.. just tt i think i feel worse.. maybe tts why its my prob only.. i have low esteem, so i need much more time to warm up and ppl to open me up.. but it doesn't seems like i can make it in this co.. or at least not yet.. its my personality problem lah.. sometimes i just hate myself being like tt.. haiz... =( besides mike yw clarance and one or two direct seniors and kl, i practically know no one there.. feel so out of place in between the seniors and the rest even in my own section.. ='( make friends with them! tts what ppl would say.. easier said than done.. just go to the co room anytime u wan and u will get to know them.. hahaa.. like so easy like tt hor.. every tues i end sch so early den must wait for practice to start like so late alone (except today), and go straight home after tt.. tts really not me.. how i wish i could stay back in the co room just like last time to crap with my friends or just practise together.. there is no one to practise with me anymore when i wan to and when i am free.. =( no companions anymore.. hate such life! tts y i hate jc life! sux totally! somemore, if i really could not practise in time, den wun even be able to join in for those performance.. why am i such a slow learner??? i hate myself for unable to catch faster.. rarrrr..... it is difficult to understand.. none will.. nvm.. it is just too depressing.. ok.. this is all crap.. just wanted to vent my anger..