had been very fan over the trips thing.. ocip? co to hk? haiz.. i gt an answer already but deep down in my heart i can't bear to let the other go.. its so near yet so far.. i let it go.. slipped away.. give it up.. why am i so dumb to make a choice tt i gt so much doubts abt and the one with less benefits? why? i dun understand it myself either.. i dunno if it is the right choice or best choice for me.. but just tt i can't let the other one go.. bu she de.. i gt no choice.. it is confirm tt they will definitely clash and worse is by only 3 days.. haiz.. =( agn and agn i am so indecisive.. troubling so much ppl this time.. asking them for their opinions and not heeding to them.. i'm sorry ppl.. so sorry for troubling u all for the past few days.. =X why shld i think so much abt it and make myself so miserable when my jc life is already so screwed? waking up in the middle of the night to think over it.. ahh!!! this sucks man.. i don't know how, don't know why.. hope i can stop stressing over this and wld not regret though i think i will in the end.. i really dunno why i chose this.. =( =( =( =( =( =( =(

can't let go of it.. :(

ahhh!! i am so confused now.. HELP! i really cannot decide.. big problem for me to decide something.. haiz.. i am being so indecisive AGN! =( should i go for ocip or co exchange to taiwan? i wan go for BOTH! why must it clash? i need to decide by the end of this wk.. =X but the prob now is tt the taiwan trip is not yet confirm.. and the dates for both also not very sure.. the teacher said tt it will clash though.. i hv been wanting to go for ocip trip but now tt i gt this chance i am still undecided yet.. =( my family ask me not to go ocip to yun nan cause my dad say its dangerous at the year end.. a lot of natural disaster.. haiz.. and i hv been on a similar trip also.. my sis afraid i cannot adapt.. so how? and i have already lag behind so many things.. =( but if i go for this, i will have to sarcifice a lot of time and also practice timing due to clash in meetings.. as for taiwan co trip, it is a brand new experience and i wan to go too!! but its like not confirm yet.. they say most probably but wad if i decided to go for this and ended up they din go? wah.. i will kill myself then.. for this trip i think its going to be fun but at the same time erm.. hard and weird maybe? not used to the ppl yet bah and gt to practice a lot den can go.. how arh? pls tell me wad to do.. =( i pray hard that it wun clash so i can go for both.. if tts the case, i need to save lots of money as my parents say they wun pay both for me.. but i dun mind.. =/

e-learning wk this wk.. so sian.. but gd tt can slp late and i have been treating it like a holiday.. lol.. =X have been slacking so much and yet there is so much work to do.. much more than normal sch days.. pw too.. zzZzZzz.. worse of all is the portal super irritating esp maths.. listen 1st lecture wan to die le.. super boring and cannot wrong.. if not must repeat.. and i keep get redirected back! gt so pissed off yesterday den dun wan to do.. shall briefly update..

22 july tues: went leonard's hse do pw for the whole day.. although we were quite slow.. ya.. but at least we cleared some doubts on our project and talk through the problems.. hopefully can be solved.. =)

21 july mon: class outing to ecp.. its like e-learning wk n not holiday but we were out playing.. hahaa.. supposed meet at 2pm but rain and so we end up waiting at mac till 3 plus and den go bowling.. i din bowl though.. after tt rain stop and we went out to play! =) not much time till nights fall so din went cycling.. but some did and some went rollerblading.. the rest of us played ball and freesbi! so fun! hahaa.. =D den we took a LONG LONG time to decide where to eat dinner.. finally went adjisen.. coz there were no other space to contain 21 of us out of 25.. the class outing was very successful.. =) thanks so much for organising! supre tired.. zZzz..

20 july sun: went dhs hostel to do pw too.. they gt a nice hostel lor! much much better than ahs de.. haha.. but cannot get up to see their bunks.. yeah.. but the environment was nice except the construction noise and tt it is located at a quite ulu place.. =/

19 july sat: went back early in the morning for co prac.. only a few ppl.. practising for some china ppl who are coming next wk.. played first love.. nice song.. =) went pp to eat after tt.. had a nice time talking to ty on the way home.. was telling her abt the times in ahs and ynps.. haha..

18 july fri: had 2.4km run! yeah!! its finally over! haha.. very pleased with myself for the results.. =D made improvement.. but feel like puking after the run.. was quite speechless.. nv felt so tired before.. haha.. nvm.. it was worth it.. den at night went 85 to eat dinner.. celebrate jt's bday! =) all came but not at the same time.. hm.. quite an achievement already.. =)

16 july wed: gt back term report on jct.. erm.. although not very gd but still passable lah.. must work harder for promo.. =X ms goh and mr chan's comments was the best.. haha.. =P all ask me be more responsive.. shall try lah.. if i do my work.. hehe.. ms goh treated the stage crew ice cream during lunch! she is so nice.. haha.. =D had our first real practice ever since the seniors left.. erm.. the feeling was super bad and scary.. the conductor had pointed me out already.. he warned me to prac and tt i must be able to play next wk.. die.. =( dreading practices more.. haiz.. gd luck to me man..

gtg do my e-learning.. the wk is ending so fast.. =(

i am so dead man.. have been watching the hk drama call forensic heroes 2 and it is super nice! haha.. so interesting and exciting! the technology they used and the way they solved each and every case is just so wow! hahaa.. the love story inside also not too much.. =) i am so addicted to it and i finish it within 3 days! hehee.. now still have the hangover.. =X i dun mind watching it agn.. xD hope they will have the 3rd series SOON! but quite impossible.. =( the show just screen finished in hk.. so i think i need wait another 2 to 3 yrs before they make a new one.. =( its just so nice! hahaa... this show reminded me of the one tt jt told me n sh last yr.. i rmb we were studying in 4A classroom for o level when jt told us on of the case the show (first series) encountered abt a rapist and the clown.. then we got scared and screamed when hl came over.. hahaa.. so funny! =P but this second series is not scary.. =D oh man! i love this drama! xD hehee..

ok.. i think i need to get over with this.. must stop thinking abt it le if not i cannot concentrate.. =/ sat went eating mac with all my cousins.. then my phone got knock onto some place in mac on sat! then there is a crack on the screen!! =( its quite serious.. haiz.. why am i so careless? =@ angry with myself! youth day was spend watching the show too and going to yw's hse do choc cornflakes for the seniors.. not very successful though.. =X ended up din do any hw.. tues had sch and it was so boring n tired.. =X came home super early and ya.. yw n fel came over and we do the cornflakes agn.. this time more successful.. =) at night, went for asg dinner at botak jones! junle shave botak! hahaa.. he looks so weird.. =/ ok.. so this is one of the time we all go off so early at ard 9pm.. but enjoyed it cause miss the previous one.. =)

wed: had co farewell after sch.. hm... it feels a bit weird but ya.. the attendance was gd.. we had to do a board for our section seniors and ours was filled with so much circles.. =X but luckily it looks ok in the end.. we were the slowest section.. then they had this prize giving presentation to all the seniors.. like "most... " or "zui jia..." some prize was not bad.. quite funny but i still think the prize presntation 2 yrs back for my seniors were better... =P they gave 1 sock to every senior.. the sl still need to help them wear.. =X then after tt they give their speech and huang sheng came also.. ya.. he is very attached to this batch of seniors.. guess wad he said is quite true also although i dun really like him and think will suffer under him.. =( then there is buffet at night which they nv say.. wth.. make me go home eat agn until so full.. yup.. gave the dizi seniors the box we make.. feel quite different from the farewell i used to have.. =X but overall its still ok lah.. can't wait for next wk to stop coming! dun wan practice man! =( my nightmare and torture is going to start soon...

anyway, for ocip, heard there is a person who back out den a reserve (ta2) de went for the meeting.. so i went to ask the teachers.. den she was like telling me it is not according to the numbering but is the teachers choose de.. wth! make me like wait eargerly for it and ended up dun hv... she was like saying she dun rmb me getting interview.. must be not gd enough.. rarrr! hate tj man! nv succeed in any of the interviews.. FAILED! =( wadever lah.. dun think got chance to go liao.. they already do so much to prepare for the trip le.. now fund raising.. haiz.. co maybe going taiwan for exchange yr end.. hopefully have.. den at least i can go overseas once in my jc life with friends.. really miss the times in ahs where we had the chance to go overseas to shanghai ad to chiangrai with all the wonderful friends man! how wonderful unlike now..

thurs: had chem skill A.. super difficult and long and boring.. guess i am going to flunk this time spa.. =/ after sch went to interview a busker.. we went bedok interchange and there was none! like suddenly all disappear le! so went to tm there.. glad there was one.. at least some hope.. there was only 2 of us in the grp out of 4 who went.. =X at first super scared and dunno how to approach him.. met ms chan there! haha.. chatted a while with her.. =) she told us to apply our social skills.. lol.. =X so we attempt to approach him.. luckily he turn out to be so nice and answer all our questions.. =D he even told us to contact him if we got any other ques.. so we had a successful interview! =) hopefully the rest will also be gd too.. haha.. he make me feel happy for the rest of the day.. hehe.. =)

fri: had 2.4 run.. gt improvement from the wk before.. =) hopfully next wk will be better cause going to be the actual nafa le! =X den after sch meet jt n sh.. =) we went to eat sakae buffet! haha.. no money le.. but was quite enjoyable =) jt ate so little lah! haiyo.. =P i din eat until i wan vomit like last time.. haha.. went searching for present too... this month a lot of ppl bday.. going broke sia.. haha..

today: slp for 12 hrs and wake up happily. =) was so tired for the whole wk.. =X need to do a lot of stuffs this wkend but i dun think i can make it.. have already wasted the whole day.. tml going to interview buskers and the day is gone.. =/ now no tv for me watch le.. no motivation leh.. meet sh at 85 today and we sat there to talk like in the past.. haha.. but it somehow feels a bit different.. we no longer study there and ya.. miss those times..

another wk to go before e-learning wk!

sch has already reopen.. =( jct is also over.. and now here comes the results... did badly.. failed most.. ya.. but nvm.. it wun be worse than losing someone..

june holiday - 23 june (mon) asg dinner at eighteen chef.. glad tt most ppl turn up.. had an enjoyable night talking after so long of not having dinner and seeing each other.. some seems to have disappear too.. =/

sch reopen and jct was terrible.. just got to blame myself for not working hard enough.. although i did study.. totally blank out for econs.. haiz.. and maths paper was kind of distracted.. fri is just a bad day..

just a difference of 49 or 50 days and the same thing happen agn.. a lot of ppl were shocked and cannot accept the fact too.. y is it happening? its just so unfair.. the time period is just too short.. haiz.. =( regretting now is useless.. so y din i treasure them in the past? all of them are gone.. forever gone.. none left.. nothing i can do le.. so i just have to life in regrets and regrets.. ='( worse of all, my sis is making everyone worried for her.. haiz.. seeing him cry is heartbreaking too.. nv have i seen him like tt.. nv before.. this 2008 yr is a bad yr.. for all, the disasters that have happened all over the world.. saddening.. haiz.. hopefully time will heal.. but actually it will not be healed totally.. no matter wad, there will still be the crack there, the pain there.. i am constantly reminded of wad happen 5 yrs ago.. it has been 5 yrs.. nv gone or forget.. i miss her dearly.. i wan her back! i wan my childhood back! ='(