wad a bad day.. sucks man.. hate it.. disappointed.. loss.. no words can descibe how i feel today.. anyway, i apologise for my stupid behaviour.. first time in tj and it is terrible.. this better be the last.. full of regrets yet uncontrollable.. dun understand nvm.. dun ask.. ='( i will be stronger.. i hope.. =(

had wanted to rant out a lot of things abt damn stupid co de.. !@#*!@# nvm.. just a note to all my friends.. i can't attend anymore gatherings on weekdays or even weekend anymore! ='(( its the saddest thing man.. unless on sun, den my only day of rest will be gone.. =X cause we are having intensive training everyday till 9pm! and early on sat morning.. wadever! indeed we are bad and not up to standard yet, indeed we need more practices, indeed we can't afford to lose, indeed we wan to achieve gwh.. but at such an extent? tt we are not allow to study, we cannot concentrate on studies or hw, or i shld say we are not able to even do tt.. have to sacrifice EVERYTHING else for this whole month.. i have nothing to say, i have no right or not in the position to day anything also.. so wadever! i can understand the rationale behind this, but just tt pls lah, the main problem is tt nobody is bonded together, except u guys and u are expecting all of us to be able to really throw away everything else? furthermore, using those harsh words and methods to treat us like small kids will only make us worse and not bonded together right? like tt how can u expect the music to be nice and as a whole? no matter how hard u try, it will be useless.. but for some others, even if their skills and standard not as gd, but if all of them feel for their own orchestra, then they will be of a much higher standard than something without the core.. haiz.. it doesn't matter..

i just need to do my best.. i tried.. i attempt to.. i fear.. i need to overcome.. but this responsiblilty is just too huge to carry.. i dun wan to be blamed.. i dun wan to spoil the music.. say wadever u wan, wadever u think, i rather not have the solo... but i gt no choice.. they gave me no choice.. i have to do it no matter wad.. i will try.. i will do my best.. the rest is up to luck and waiting for miracles to happen.. say wadever u can, easier said than done..

2009: going through this alone painfully.. :(

this worse this syf is going to be, the more i remember the last one.. with glory although others may not think so or even despise us.. but i will always feel proud of ahsco! i rmb we were not very gd.. but we were in it together.. really together as a whole.. our music is not perfect but we could all feel the music running through us.. really.. we feel for the music.. xD i think tt earn us a big big credit for our gold.. ppl always say tt the judging was less strict tt day.. but who cares? we still achieve tt anyway! =) there was a solo too for the set piece.. my tempo was horrible but constantly, i have nice and encouraging reminders from my friends all ard me and my sweets juniors cheering me up and on.. it was stressful.. definitely but somehow tt kind of feeling turns positive and spur me on instead.. the whole co was worried for me till even tt day, lin lao shi is super nice and din give me extra pressure.. =) i guess tt helps.. and fortunately i did it well! =D real glad to hear tt some of them even feel touched by the music.. haha.. well.. see how the difference is?? 2007: going through with appreciation though stressfully.. =) its a taste of sweetness and bitterness.. "one family, one heart, one ahsco" pls carry this kind of tradition on k? no matter how far u guys can go and wad u all can get, always rmb wad lin lao shi says: i don't care about the results, its the process that is more important! i guess this is the crucial part and why we always will word even harder towards tt goal.. :)

conclusion: its the difference in environment, attitude and treatment of ppl, plus the friends in there (which currently i have none to really really talk to in tt scary place) tt will make a huge difference..

okie.. i said i wun talk abt it but ended up blurt everything out also.. nvm.. its too long anyway for anyone to read also.. so it doesn't matter wad i said.. nobody will know and understand it anyway.. can't expect me to say all these out directly in ur face.. i am not a very outspoken person..

shall just end off with something else besides just co which is taking up my whole life now.. and giving me additional troubles and stress.. have not been listening to lectures and tutorials too.. falling asleep very often and can't control it.. =( haiz.. whose fault? nvm.. my prob anyway..

on a lighter note, just to say thanks for the asg dinner on thurs night! xD it always cheer me up no matter wad! although not many ppl went but still.. =D just tt i reach so late.. hahaa.. thanks to jt and socks for the bag too! :) and 1 last thing.. abt pw results.. tj din do tt well this yr.. only abt 50% distinction.. well.. naturally will feel disappointed after putting in so much effort but hope they can cheer up k! was quite upset tt day after seeing quite some of my friends crying so badly.. as for myself, i love tj050! credits to nivia for everything and leonard for being a wonderful leader.. =)